mb tis is why...

i) my immediate boss has rated me 4 for the 2nd quarter, albeit our constant disagreement. being rated 4 is like tis close to 5, means that i could just get that big fat max bonus once the financial year ends *drool*. that's wat actually drives me. + i need to prove to my director that i'm worth the pay i demanded wen i was first offered. and IF we dont achieve tis particular KPI, we're screwed! we've worked so hard to attain the KPIs but our hard effort woudnt count if we fail to accomplish tis one. sigh. so, i just nd to push thru, doesnt matter lah if i feel like i'm the only one hustling my ass off, just DO the work!

ii) i could hardly turn my head around, i could hardly take a deep breath, i could hardly fart wen i'm at ofis (imagine how bz i am at work!) & having to call home / bank intermittently in every half hour to check on the status of her western union has consumed my already restricted time & energy & it really is bothering me. & the worry & fear of the money getting lost in the system, that's wearing me out. & having to explain to her how western union works, that's even more exhausting!

iii) owh God help me! we'd gone house-hunting for two weeks, it ended on last sunday wit me finally made up my mind to rent a gud fren's house, wic is quite a distance fr my office, until other nearer house becomes more affordable for us (or rather until we could afford to get a nearer house). but the hassles, i'm telling u... & to be doing tis house-hunting errand during fasting month some more, it was just insane! the apartments in the vicinity of my office ranging from 1k to 1.5k. there's one house right at the back of my office (i could just hop twice & 'plink'! i'd already be at my work station), fully furnished wit 1.3k monthly rental, the landlord seemed (or rather sounded) like a decent person. it could have bn just perfect - i could save on fuel & toll & mb lunch $$$ since i could just go home & have lunch & of course i could cut down on unnecessary friday lunch outing, thus save me fr splurging on unnecessary items. but it came wit 2+1 depo & 1/2 utility depo. that made me choked. i suppose that's the standard rate, but of course i have other things to prioritise. & if we were to stay in bangsar, i shud also think of dhani's school fee & all. owh my, dhani must be crushed that he has to leave his frens & dear teachers. at tis point of time, that reality hasnt totally sunk in yet, he stil thinks that even if we get relocated, he'd stil go to the same sch, see the same frens & teachers. poor boy... but we cant possibly wait any longer.

iii) yes. i dunno if others are experiencing the same thing as well. my tummy starts grumbling as early as 11am, it often feels like there's a storm brewing in there & getting thru the day is plain agonizing. seriusly! i feel like a 6yo, even ahmad dhani doesnt behave like me, i guess. i do take dates during pre-dawn meals, i do drink lotsa plain water, in fact there's no cold drink on the table tis ramadhan. come to think of it, i have bn depriving myself (& the whole household, but i know my helper's protesting in silence!) of cold drinks even b4 ramadhan. i realise the body feels less lethargic w'out ice consumption. but hey, that's me.

iv) haha. a chinese fren once asked me, how come some people could really lose weight during ramadhan but some people do utterly the opposite? heee. i hope i dont make the statistic of the opposite. ever heard of tis saying - if u fast, u'll have to feast. if u feast, u'll have to fast. vicious cycle, i know. i cook almost everyday. & i only cook watever i strongly desire to have. thus, the 2nd & even 3rd helping. haish. we've gone to psr ramadhan only once. & it was quite a waste of $$$. we bought 2 pcs of chicken sambal but we only ate 1 pc. i'd rather cook :)

to be continued....