ramadhan... brings back memories...

as ramadhan's nearing, i'm starting to feel a big knot in my tummy. it's my 2nd ramadhan as a single mom. & 2nd ramadhan for ahmad dhani to puasa btul. last year we had a maid, tho i seldom let her cook for us. at least she was efficient enuf to wake us up for sahur. based on the experience o previous ramadhan, ahmad dhani wudnt be able to survive a full day puasa w'out sahur. he'd wake up wailing, blaming me for missing sahur & refusing to fast. i really wish that wudnt happen tis ramadhan. i dont mind if he couldnt pull the puasa penuh stunt, but i doubt i could tolerate unpleasant early morning tantrums in the holy month o ramadhan. dhani's mama (my sister) has invited us to stay wit her family thruout fasting month. dhani was so delighted wen my sister first voiced it out. i wasnt really thrilled. i've grown soo attached to our humble crib that leaving it for one whole month at first sounded just absurd.

but then... ramadhan brings back dreadful memories fr two years ago. i admit it's just so shameful o me for associating the glorious & rewarding month of ramadhan to that most sorrowful time. sigh. how remarkable if our mind had cpu-like functions whereby we could just select & delete wicever parts that displease us & then copy & paste them wit wicever parts that amuse us. tragically, the mind & heart dont function that way. so here i am, being mercilessly assaulted by my own bitter memories.

& so i've decided to take up my sister's offer for the sake o my son & for that distant peace of mind. who knows in their presence, i might be able to cast that hurtful memories away & cherish ramadhan like others do... & ahmad dhani's ramadhan will be just as splendid! insyaAllah...

HAPPY FASTING, DEAR FRENS...

may tis ramadhan be better than the last...